Get a great guy…TODAY

1. Stop believing the man shortage hype. First of all, it doesn’t exist. According to the US Census Bureau, by 2010, there will be just over 1 million extra men in the 20- to 44-age range. Besides, as a unique and exceptional woman, you don’t expect the right man for you to be a “dime a dozen” type. So quit complaining about how bad men are; that just invites bad men into your life.

2. Give him breathing room. If you’re in a relationship now, quit hovering, smothering and clinging. You think you’re being loving and “there for him”—he no doubt sees it as desperation. And you’re not desperate. So treat yourself to a fab girls’ night out!

3. Quit searching for Mr. Exactly Right. Want to ruin your chances of meeting a great guy? Compose a list of qualities he has to have. These “must” lists limit you, and tend to include superficial things about age, education, income and appearance, instead of soul qualities, like warmth, sensitivity, honor and humor.

4. Expand your dating pool. Whatever strategies you use to meet men, multiply them by doing things you’ve never done. Try Internet dating, go to singles’ events, and agree to sensible fix-ups. If those methods aren’t yielding results, go further—track down an old crush, throw a singles soiree, dress up and dine alone at a hotspot. Just get out there!

5. Accept that it’s over. I’m not saying get over your ex this minute, but at least acknowledge the breakup. Stop calling him for whatever irrelevant reason you can think of. In fact, remove his number from your speed dial. Put his pictures out of sight; do the same with anything else (gifts, concert ticket stubs) that causes you pain to look at. You will feel better. I promise.

Get a great guy…THIS YEAR

1. Give chemistry a minute. Many women (and men) erroneously believe that the first three seconds of laying eyes on someone must crackle with intense electricity. Relationship experts will tell you otherwise. And any woman who ever realized she was in love with her best male friend will say ditto. Besides, if you were meant to be with the guy you were super-hot for from the get-go, you’d have married what’s-his-name from 11th grade. Sometimes it takes a while to get over your nervousness, to stop fronting, to hit on a shared passion or just “feel right” before lightning strikes.

2. Never look back. If you get that feeling — in your heart, your gut, your head and your senses — that a relationship is not working, make a clean break and don’t look back. Do not stay in the wrong relationship; it’s not fair to you or him. And if it’s a bad (as in physically or verbally abusive) scene, get out now!

3. Don’t kid yourself. Men are not very complicated, so if he tells you he’s not looking for a relationship or doesn’t want to settle down, believe him. He’s not lying. He’s not testing you. He’s not just in need of the love of a good woman (i.e., you) to prove otherwise. You’re wasting your time at best, setting yourself up for heartbreak at worst.

4. Relax about interracial dating. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and they come in all colors. Just make sure you’re realistic about the potentially unenthusiastic reaction of your parents, his parents and the public.

5. Date like a man. When it comes to romance, women let men call the shots. Flip the script once in a while and date on your own terms. See a few different guys at once; wait a day to call him back and end the phone call first; lean over and plant one on him!

Get a great guy…FOREVER

1. Trust and be trustworthy. Trust is the backbone of true love. You should never have to doubt him, nor he you. Do not cheat! What does that mean? Anything you wouldn’t want him to do with a third party.

2. Communicate effectively. Men are not from Mars, but there can be misunderstandings between the sexes. So don’t expect him to “just know” what you want; tell him. Don’t talk around your main point. Give him some time to absorb what you are saying. Don’t play passive-aggressive. Avoid giving unsolicited advice or criticism—ask first.

3. Be with him—but be yourself. It’s nice to be open to your man’s interests and opinions, but if you find that you don’t share them, let him pursue them on his own! Don’t start TiVo-ing the U.S. Open just because he keeps a tennis racket in his trunk.

4. Don’t overanalyze. A healthy relationship is organic. If you find yourself constantly analyzing what’s going on between you and your man, either you need to relax and lighten up, or something is amiss. Try the former first. If you find yourself plagued by doubt, suspicion or insecurity, you two might not belong together.

5. Don’t confuse breakups with failures. The media bombards us with the notion that there is only one true love for everybody. But the reality is, not every relationship is meant to last forever. You may want different things when you’re 16, 26, 36 and beyond. As long as each relationship teaches you something, it is a success.